Rachel's Viewfinder

“Next time I see you, I’ll be a married woman!!!” I shouted to the Charlotte skyline as Robo and I drove to Ohio two days after his car accident. It was the final week to a crazy, whirlwind ride that would culminate in our wedding. The old saying says the “darkest hour is before dawn.” Little did we know what the next week held in store!

The week before the wedding was a flurry…literally! My parents arrived in Ohio just a few days ahead of us to help with the wedding preparations. They were to first meet Robo’s parents Sunday evening. Come to find out, our parents bumped into each other Saturday afternoon at a health food store in Mansfield. Having already met, all the awkward, “These are my mom and dad, this is his mom and dad,” stuff was out of the way. We laughed, and began figuring out to launch the final plans for the wedding.

That’s when the biggest snowstorm in 30 years started to hit most of the Midwest! The clear skies and bare ground of the weekend was replaced Tuesday morning with clouds and white. While central Ohio was covered in snow, Robo and I watched as all our carefully laid plans for the week began to blow apart with every gust of wind. We manage to make it to my cousin’s—and officiating pastor’s!—house that evening, but we had no word on the flowers we were supposed to pick up that day.

The storm continued into Wednesday. My parents made it over to Robo’s parents house again, and we spent the day doing the only thing we could: making the decorations for the wedding, and doing the final fitting for my dress. I had put on a bit of weight (too much stress eating), but it still fit! Still no word on the flowers. And my maid of honor called to say that she was coming down with a cold and had no car insurance on her car, and that one of my bridesmaids was stuck in jury duty the Friday they were supposed to leave for Ohio. Oh Lord!

Thursday, the dust settled only for a few hours. While driving to another cousin’s house to use her huge kitchen space to begin food prep, Robo slid our only car into an icy snowbank. Mel’s road had become one solid sheet of ice over the past two days. Thankfully, a plow truck came by 30 minutes after we landed in the snowbank. He kindly pulled us out and we continued to Mel’s. I again called for my flowers. And again, I got no answer. I began to resign myself that I was probably going to have to use the silk flowers we bought for the decorations. Egh! The other bad news was that my maid of honor was too sick to travel. I made a quick change of plans, and asked my mom to be my matron of honor instead. The good news was that my bridesmaid had gotten out of jury duty.

T-minus One Day and counting, otherwise known as Friday, came too fast. Everybody was going everywhere. That morning, Robo had to go to the chiropractor, my parents hunted down the place for my flowers and found them waiting, and then they and Robo’s mom went to the church to start food prep. Robo and I had to get my car aligned. We finally made it to the church about 3:00 in the afternoon. I got started decorating my cake, while Robo left to go pick up our cupcakes in Mansfield. While he was at it, he had to stop at the chiropractor’s again. And search for a special audio cable. And find DVDs. And make it back to the church by 6:00 for our rehearsal.

I had one thing I wanted to complete that day: making credits for our wedding ceremony. I didn’t start them until 5:00pm. Frazzled, tired, and frustrated, I stopped to go over final details with my violinist, learn my part for the ceremony (basically, just stand here, walk there, say this, etc…), and nearly broke down crying in frustration. And the credits weren’t done at all. But at least I had my flowers!

My bridal party, violinist, and sister Emmalee had made it to Willard, Ohio just in time to help Friday with decorating the sanctuary. We all went out after the rehearsal for supper. I was staying with my parents my final night as a single woman, so we parted ways. But my cousins wanted to see me that night. A sort of, final-night-as-a-single-woman celebration. Exhausted, my parents and I showed up at 10:30pm. We hung out, chatted, laughed, but I was getting more and more tired. Finally, at about 11:30, I collapsed behind my Dad as he was playing the Wii. All I wanted to do was go home.

The BIG DAY came, cold and brisk. My parents picked up my sister Janine and her boyfriend from the train station in Sandusky at 3:30am. By 7:30 we were on the road to the church. I was riding with my sister, working on the credits I hadn’t finished the night before. We got to the church, and I went to the bride’s ready room to finish the credits from the night before, and to relax. Meanwhile, everybody else was flying around me. Robo was about putting the finishing touches on everything, my sisters kept me supplied with food and updates about what was going on, and my mother and bridesmaids kept a countdown and plan in place to get everybody dressed in time.

I finished the credits with a hour to spare. My bridesmaids got me ready, and before I knew it, Mom was peeking out into the hall to make sure the Groom and his merry band of men has left to stand at the front of the sanctuary. Dad took one look at me and gave me a kiss before we stepped down the hall together. There was a part of me feeling overwhelmed that all the hassle, stress and prep leading up to the day came down to just a few short moments. The movies always make it seem bigger and grander. But, walking down the aisle I realized that the day—and all the hassle before and to come—was just another part of life. Special and grand, and indeed worth all the stress.

And yet… Our wedding wasn’t big or spectacular. Neither was it skimpy. All the food was gluten-free (YAY!) and great. We had the flowers, cupcakes and glass bottled soda we worked so hard for. The music was provided by my record player and Robo’s computer. Robo and I danced and he wowed everybody with his newly acquired moves. All that happened on one Big Day, February 5, 2011. Just another day. But still…a very special day. And—to coin a phrase—it was good.

“So where will you be living?” 

That’s usually the first question after the initial, “Wow! God is so GOOD” comment on my recent engagement.  It always catches me off guard, but I suppose it shouldn’t.  I’m getting married, and I’ll be following my husband’s lead.  So the assumption seems to be that I’ll be leaving Charlotte, and my work with SIM. 

The beautiful reality is that God has called Robo to Charlotte and to work with SIM once his school loans are paid off.  The Lord has not only brought someone who suits me as a life companion, but who compliments me as a workmate.  Right down to the same ministry with the same organization.  Praise the Lord!

Our plan as of right now is:

1).  We continue living in Charlotte, NC, or somewhere in the near vicinity.

2).  Rachel continues to work with SIM USA in the Media Department as a supported missionary.

3).  Robo get’s a job and works to pay off his school loans as quickly as possible.

4).  Robo joins SIM USA as a supported missionary and together we continue to serve in the Media Department.

A lot of this is in need of PRAYER!  The Lord has blessed us with the option of living in the house I currently live in.  My roommates are moving out just before the wedding.  While this provides us with a place to live, we’re currently experiencing problems with the house that our landlord has preferred not to fix.  One of these is the septic tank.  Pray that the Lord would either provide us with a new home, or that our landlord would make the necessary repairs.

Another prayer request is for my continued support.  Right now, SIM USA has made me a permanent part of the Home Staff.  This means my support requirement is higher (about $2700 a month), but I now have health care and retirement!  I also have a higher “salary”.  Robo and I plan to live on my “salary”, so we can put the entirety of whatever his paycheck will be towards paying off his school loans.

Which brings up another prayer request!  Pray that the Lord would bless Robo with a job in the video production/web industry.  Reasons for this include the need for Robo to maintain his production skills in a media environment, as well as earning a paycheck big enough to pay his loans. 

For those of you giving financial to my ministry, my support account information will still be the same, save for the fact that I will be Rachel BOGAN.  :D  *excited*

It’s all about perspective.

God has taken me through a lot these past two months.  My visit up north at the end of August marked a major turning point in my life and ministry.  It’s funny how the moments that seem small and insignificant end up being the life-changing moments.  One such moment happened when I renamed my Cube “The Kobayashi Maru.”

My Cube, otherwise known as my office cubicle, had come to define a lot of what I thought about my life and my ministry in Charlotte, NC.  When I joined SIM, I thought I would soon be traveling around the globe as a sort of “kingdom reporter.” But as I came to live, work and serve in an increasingly more and more permanent function at the USA him office, the more and more I felt stuck in life.  While I was up north, I shared with excitement that I would soon be going overseas.  Finally!! I looked ahead to the future and saw what I always though God was calling me to be: an overseas missionary.  Needless to say, when I got back to Charlotte and found out that those plans fell through, I was crushed.  I was back to my tiny, four-walled Cube, making short videos about missionaries while never getting to go to the places they talked about.

I was frustrated and upset.  I felt as though there was a glass ceiling above my head, and I had hit it.  Soundly.  That glass ceiling was preventing me from being where I thought God had called me and doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing.  But that’s where God reminded me of a lesson I learned from watching Star Trek:

In the movies, there’s a running theme about a test all Starfleet cadets must take while at Starfleet Academy.  It’s called “The Kobayashi Maru.” The test is a no-win scenario where the participants must experience what it feels like to lose a battle and accept the helplessness and fear as a result.  But one resourceful cadet, James T. Kirk, decided he didn’t like the no-win scenario, so he hacked into the computers, made the test winnable, and changed the outcome of the test.  Some said he cheated, others gave him a commendation for original thinking.  The point though, was that he refused to accept the present situation and let it define him.  I stared at the gray walls of my Cube, and decided that i was not going to let my present situation define me.  I made a sign, taped it over my phone, and stared at it.

Instead of focusing on the glass ceiling above my head, I started thinking of ways around it.  At first, those thoughts were along the lines of “what else can I do with SIM?” I was thinking that perhaps I was supposed to move out of Media and try something different.

That’s when I started reading my journals from three years ago.  I retraced my thinking process as I began pursuing full-time mission service. At that time, I had no idea how God could use me.  All I had heard of was the possibility of doing childrens’ ministry, or something like that.  Media hadn’t even come on the radar. But tucked between the pages, in April 2007, was a sheet of paper.  On it I had written an idea I had for mission work.  Though it written it from the perspective of using my creative writing skills instead of video-production, it describes verbatim the missionary storytelling and media work I do now.  The idea of blowing the lid of the missionary world and showing the Church whats going on around the world was exciting and stimulating!  At the end of my thoughts I wrote, “God, can i REALLY do this for the rest of my life? I’d feel like a combination of Indiana Jones, Paul, Ben Franklin, H.D. Thoreau, Peter Jennings, Bingham Young, and Phileas Fogg if I could do this for the rest of my life.”

I sat, thinking about my current ministry and my life, and I realized I’m doing exactly what I had asked God for.  And I realized that if I was going to be speaking to the Western Church in America, I had to stay and work in America.  Other missionaries go to the culture in which they serve.  I was too.  It just happened to be the same culture I grew up in.  And with that in mind, I finally came to the peaceful conclusion that I AM doing, living and serving in EXACTLY the place God wants me to be.

Changing my perspective, and employing a lesson from Star Trek helped me see a slightly different view of my life and ministry.  Admittedly, nothing has really changed.  I’m still doing the same sort of projects for missionaries going to countries I’ve never visited.  I still live in Charlotte, NC.  But my Kobayashi Maru is no longer a no-win scenario.

I got back from my support-raising trip to NY and New England on September 7th.  It was both a good, and a hard trip.

It was good in that I was able to show my northern supporters the people I serve, and the many countries around the world impacted by the ministry here.  I loved seeing the light-bulb burn a little brighter in their minds.  I also shared with everybody SIM’s plan to send me overseas at some point in the spring.

One thing I wanted to do while I was “at home” was to say goodbye—not to New York, but to southern New England.  Though my parents left New Hampshire when I was 12, I never properly said goodbye to the region.  I suffer from horrible homesickness at times and I’ve thought that’s why.  So I took the time to drive from my grandmother’s house in MA, across NH and VT and into NY, saying goodbye to a region I love dearly.

But while I was home I had another (but not so unexpected) goodbye to say: this one to a dear friend of mine.  He hadn’t died or anything.  But after ten years, it was time for our friendship to end.  Completely.  We said goodbye the night of my party, and I’m glad I had a group of other people to say goodbye to at the same time.  It helped take the bittersweet feeling in my stomach and tone it down a bit.  But saying goodbye to somebody who’s been a part of my life for the past ten years has been difficult.

I came home Tuesday, not feeling ready to come back to Charlotte.  The good and the bad of my trip was weighing heavily, as was a question my father asked me before I left, “Rach, are you happy?”  When I got home, I found things turned upside down.  SIM’s initial placement idea for next spring fell through so now that wasn’t happening, my job seemed like it would stay the same old-same old, and I honestly had to answer my dad’s question with, “No, I feel like I’m missing something.”

I felt like my whole world had been hit with a bomb, and I was muddling through the fall-out.  Yet even though it’s barely been a month since I came home, the Lord has taken me through a lot.  Saying goodbye to a number of things in my life has opened a door for hope and healing to come into my life.  Sometimes in places that I didn’t know that needed it!  Through it all, Jesus has shown me that I’ve got a huge support-base here, and friends in unexpected places. 

Somebody commented on my first episode of TRV on Vimeo this morning.  It made me go back and watch the episode and see what they had actually found so interesting.  The episode features me, in one of my 18th century dresses, talking about my “revolutionary” way of living life as a missionary.  But it wasn’t the oddity of seeing me in one of my dresses that caught my attention when I watched the video.  It was the fact that this moment was what started my move to full-time ministry in Charlotte. 

Previously, I’d been working in short bursts at the SIM USA office, serving only during SIMCOs (SIM’s Candidate Orientation) to train and prepare our newest missionaries.  Then, I’d head back home to my parents house in Upstate NY to do more fund-raising and waiting.

I was heading down to Charlotte for another of these SIMCOs, fully intending to return to NY when it finished like I had done previously.  But this is the SIMCO where God had other ideas.  This is one where God started speaking to me and telling me, “It’s time.  I want you here permanently.  In April.” 

That was a freaky and challenging thing to hear!  I wasn’t at full support, I had no car, I didn’t know where I would live…yet after the Spring SIMCO of 2009, I stepped out in faith and made plans for full-time service.  I went back to NY for two weeks, did what I could to raise more funding (and got up to 50%!), packed my stuff and moved back to Charlotte full-time in April.

I’ve been here ever since.  Until I found a permanent house and a car, God provided various places for me to stay, and a whole flock of different automobiles for me to borrow.  In August 2009, I finally moved to the Avacado House, where my roommates and I still reside.  In November I bought my own car.  And even though only have of my financial needs have been given to my ministry each month, I haven’t gone hungry, or been without enough to pay the bills.  It’s been an incredible journey that has stretched my faith in profound ways, ways I never would imagined or thought of.

And to think, the moment that started it all was back in February, 2009.  That brief moment when I thought it was to be “business as usual” turned out to be the moment that changed everything and set the current course of my life into forward motion.